Correcting an application

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Below you will find an ad for a job and an application letter written by Thomas Pettersen, a young Norwegian man. (See the Toolbox, p. 373 for information about letters of application.)

Exercise

a) What impression do you get of the letter writer?

b) What kind of mistakes has he made (grammar, format, style, attitude)?

c) What has he managed to get right?

d) Thomas Pettersen was not offered the job as social guide. Write to him and explain why his letter was of poor quality. Point out formal mistakes as well as necessary changes in content and style.

e) Make all necessary changes and rewrite Thomas Pettersen's application. (You may have to invent other qualities than those mentioned in the original letter to make him a convincing applicant.

Source

Social guide

Tricky Travel is searching for young, mature people for positions as social guides on our charter trips to Ibiza.
We are looking for dynamic, creative and outgoing people with a good knowledge of English and Spanish. The job includes initiating and leading social arrangements for our travellers ranging from 5 to 85 years old. These arrangements will take place both during the day and in the evening. Musical skills are wanted. Former experience with similar activities is an advantage, but no absolute requirement.
Send your application with references to Tricky Travel, 72 Earl Court Road, London W8, UK by 8 February.


Thomas Pettersen's application

 

 

Tricky Travel

72 Earl Court Road

London W8

UK

 

Thomas Pettersen

Kaigaten 9

5001 Bergen

Norway

 

Dear Sir

 

Aplication for position as party guide on Ibiza

 

I saw your ad the other day where you seek a young person to take care of the social activities during your charter trips. I’m your man. Trust me on that. Being a young man of 25 with an outgoing personality and lots of party experience myself, I can assure you that I will fit hand in glove with your expectations.

 

Presently, I am studying English and although I’m not a native speaker I know my way around your language. I also have experience with youth because I have worked at different youth clubs during weekends. My skills doesn’t stop with that, however, I have also worked with old people in different old peoples’ homes in the holidays for the past four years. So if an occasional old age pensioner should dare to travel with you, I will be of assistance to them and help them to find suitable geriatric activities.

My references are listed on my CV and don’t hesitate to call any of them. If you really want to find out about my background and my personality from the very beginning you should contact Tom Pettersen. He happens to be my father and knows what he is talking about when it comes to the subject of Thomas.

 

Spanish-wise, I could have been better, but I have learnt the language a couple of years in school. Besides, I am a quick learner and may pick it up while I’m working with you.

 

2 Enclosures

 

Yours truly

 

 

Thomas Pettersen

 

 

Cappelen Damm

Sist oppdatert: 16.05.2007

© Cappelen Damm AS